When I was a kid I once overheard my aunt tell someone “If you can read, you can cook.” Looks like you’re reading this, so… case closed!? No? Fine. Let’s go through some of the greatest hits of non-cooking excuses shall we? Let’s go!
1.”Cooking Takes FOREVERRR!”
Why your excuse sucks: I get it, you see tv show hosts gliding around the kitchen with pre prepped ingredients and magic ovens and you roll your eyes. But you know what else takes time? Getting in your car, fighting for a parking spot, ordering, waiting for someone else to make your food, waiting for the check and driving home.
How to fix it: The truth is that much of cooking can be divided into “active” and “passive” cooking times. Try to look for recipes that maximize passive time. That way you don’t have to miss out on any valuable hanging with your cat/instagraming pictures of your cat/tweeting about your cat, time. The almighty Crock Pot is your friend if this is your excuse.
2.”I Could Burn An Ice Cube!”
Why your excuse sucks: Be honest with yourself. The last time you burned something, did you maybe forget you were cooking for a bit? This excuse is like saying “Every time I drive and forget to steer, I crash! Driving sucks!”
How to fix it: Minimize distractions and try not to have too many pots and pans going at the same time especially if you’re a beginner.
3.”Cooking Makes Such a Mess!”
Why your excuse sucks: No. Cooking makes food. YOU make a mess.
How to fix it: Clean as you work. This will keep your prep area less chaotic AND your kitchen wont look like the aftermath of an Avengers fight sequence.
4.”I’m Just Too Lazy To Cook!”
Why your excuse sucks: If you can invent a robot to feed your gaping mouth, you can cook.
How to fix it: QUIT MAKING ROBOTS AND START MAKING DINNERS!
5.”I Can’t Afford Any Cool Kitchen Gadgets!”
Why your excuse sucks: Lucky for you 99% of kitchen gadgets are complete crap. Need proof? Click this… I DARE YOU.
How to fix it: Invest in one good knife. That’s all I ask. You can build around that over time but a good knife makes all the difference in the world. I swear if I come over and you have an “avocado tool” and not a knife. I’m flipping tables. ಠ_ಠ
6.”I Don’t Have Any SWEET SKILLZ.”
Why your excuse sucks: Ok Napoleon calm down. No one’s asking you to try out for America’s Next Great Hibachi Chef.
How to fix it: Maybe focus a little less on throwing a shrimp into a wineglass across the kitchen and work on your knife skills with that AWESOME NEW KNIFE YOU JUST BOUGHT.
7.”But, I’m Trapped In An Infomercial!”
I’m sorry. I’m afraid there’s nothing that can be done to improve your situation. You are doomed to being clumsy, incompetent, and black and white FOR-EV-ER.
Thanks again for stopping by my little corner of the inter-webs! <3
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Dayle Dracy is a Food Blogger, seventh grade science fair winner, and self professed President of the United States of Pizza.