OK, maybe you have a kitchen the size of an airplane hanger and the budget of Mr. and Mrs. Carter. I for one, do not, but even if I did. I don’t think I could every justify owning some of the ridiculous kitchen gadgets and accessories that adorn the hallowed halls of BedBath and reside in the deepest pages of Amazon.
It’s ok, JUST BREATHE. We’ve all succumbed to useless kitchen gadgetry. It happens to the best of us. Just drop the strawberry huller and walk away…. slowly… good! Don’t you feel better now?
As we continue down the road to recovery, let’s all get in to the mindset of the Patron Saint Of Food Nerds: Alton Brown and “SHUN THE UNITASKER!”
Replaced by: TWO FORKS.
Why you don’t need it: Are they made of Adimantium? Is your name Wolverine? No? Then you can use two forks like the rest of us.
2. Finger Spoon
Replaced by: A FINGER OR A SPOON
Why you don’t need it: Count the amount of fingers you currently possess, now count the amount of spoons you own. Now you have 20+ reasons to never ever purchase this product.
Replaced by: A KNIFE
Why you don’t need it: Because now you’ve seen this GIF. You have no excuse.
4. Egg Cubing Devices
Replaced by: Nothing. Stop making your eggs square.
Why you don’t need it: Who are we to play God!?
5. Oven Rack Tool
Replaced by: The OVEN MITT YOU’RE ALREADY WEARING BECA– USE YOU’RE BAKING.
Why you don’t need it: Baking isn’t a class covered at Hogwarts. Please put the wand down and just be a normal person for like 5 seconds. PLEASE.Baking isn't a class covered at Hogwarts. Please put the wand down and just be a normal person for like 5 seconds. PLEASE. Click To Tweet
Replaced by: A Waffle Iron, and a KNIFE.
Why you don’t need it: Because you’re an adult, and not everything needs to be Bite- Sized or on a stick for you to enjoy it.Because you're an adult, and not everything needs to be Bite- Sized or on a stick for you to enjoy it. Click To Tweet
6. Individual Produce Containers
Replaced by: Your entire refrigerator and a plastic bag
Why you don’t need it: If you need a reason for me to explain why this one is so explicitly unnecessary then you may already be too far gone for help…
7. Oreo Dipper
Replaced by: Your thumb and first finger.
Why you don’t need it: Not only are your thumb AND first finger completely free to use for a LITERAL LIFETIME they are always with you when you need them and they store conveniently in your pockets when you are not eating an entire tray of Oreos. Thanks fingers!
8. Self Stirring Mug
Replaced by: A spoon and a wrist.
Why you don’t need it: Just when I had resolved to completely write this product off, Amazon suggested this….
Thanks Amazon, for ever blurring the line of necessity.
Ok, maybe theres a LITTLE room for novelty…. also my birthday is coming up soooo…
Thanks again for stopping by! The official ETMS Facebook page is officially up, where we’ll be playing games, posting pictures and doing giveaways in between posts so…
See you next Thursday!